In Full Bloom [Second Chances 1] (Siren Publishing Classic) Page 19

  She gave him one last squeeze and said, “Yeah. I can see how that would be really awkward.”

  “It’s not helping matters, having you pressed up against me like this, baby,” he said.

  She blinked at him innocently and said, “Oops.”

  On the way down stairs, he thought about batting averages. He was probably the only guy alive that didn’t like baseball. When he heard the war cry of one of Christina’s twins as they walked through the door, he thought, Yep. There we go. The mood is officially dead.

  “Oh good,” Taryn mumbled. “The twins.”

  On Thanksgiving they had cornered her in the dining room and pestered her unmercifully once they found out she worked at the zoo. He remembered how sweetly patient she had been. Eventually Christina had come to get them.

  “Yeah. I’m sure they have more questions about the zoo,” Evan said brightly.

  “They’re really sweet kids. Enthusiastic, but together, they’re a lot to handle. I don’t know how your sister does it!”

  “Medication,” Evan joked.

  “Couldn’t blame her,” she said, laughing.

  By the time dinner was over, most of the screeching had subsided and the majority of the adults had a glass of wine in hand. The children had already opened their presents and moved into the dining room to play with them.

  Evan sat in the oversized chair, with Taryn snuggled in next to him. She leaned against him comfortably, giving a contented sigh every so often. His mother had lit a fire in the fireplace. The night was absolutely perfect.

  “This is pretty perfect,” Taryn murmured, mirroring his thoughts.

  “Yeah,” he echoed. “Doesn’t get much better than this. Thank you for coming with me.”

  “Thanks for inviting me. This is the first time I can remember that Christmas hasn’t totally sucked,” she said.

  He squeezed her and started to answer when his mother said, “Ahem. Now that the children, god love them, are playing in the other room, I think it’s time to exchange gifts.”

  There was a chorus of general agreement.

  They sat closest to the tree, so he waved off his mother when she stood to start passing things out. Together they read the labels on the presents and passed them out until the tree was completely empty underneath.

  “And,” he said, grinning, “We’ll start opening with me and work our way around clockwise.”

  His mother gave a good-natured scowl as this put her as the exact last person to open her present.

  He tore the card from the gift and opened it. Enclosed was a gift certificate to the home improvement store by the apartment. He held it up and said, “I’ll be putting this to good use.”

  He continued on to the small package and found a new bottle of his favorite cologne. With a fist pump, he said, “Thanks Patty. This is perfect.”

  Weaving through the crowd, he went over to give her a hug and a kiss, then moved back to the chair where Taryn sat.

  She tore into card and said, “This is from Maureen, everyone.”

  Carefully removing the ribbon, she opened the package and her eyes widened. “Yes! The pasta-making attachment!”

  She held it up and said, “This is perfect. Thank you so much.”

  He watched her set the gift down next to the chair and give his sister a hug.

  Maureen said, “Glad you like it. I was a little worried the whole stand mixer thing was a little self-serving on Evan’s part, but he said you’d probably want the pasta-maker attachment the most.”

  “It was first on my list,” Taryn admitted. “But you’re right. It is a little self-serving.”

  He tried for a look of innocence but failed miserably as she settled back down next to him in the chair. Together, they watched as the rest of his family opened their gifts. The golf club had been a hit. Pretty much everything everyone else had gotten was, too.

  When it was his mother’s turn to open her gift, the room got quiet. She opened the card and said, “Clearly I’ll be hitting the Yarn Barn after-Christmas sale. You in, Patty?”

  “Yeah, Ma. Totally,” she said.

  His mother looked at Taryn and said, “You don’t know how bad I wanted to pick this thing up and shake it.”

  Taryn grinned and said, “I saw you poking at it earlier, but I admire your restraint.”

  She plucked at the paper, peeling up the edges, and saw a plain cardboard box. Frowning, she snagged the pair of scissors to open the taped end.

  When she slid the frame out of the box, it was turned over. She quickly flipped it and her mouth opened slightly. He watched her eyes flood with tears, even as the grin spread across her face.

  “Oh, honey,” she said, wiping the tears that spilled over onto her cheek. “It’s perfect. It’s absolutely perfect. “

  “I noticed you didn’t have any recent group pictures when you took me on the tour,” Taryn said, looking somewhat uncomfortable.

  “I don’t. I don’t,” she said. “Come here, honey.”

  He watched as she set the picture down carefully and then moved in to pull Taryn into a hug that looked like it might actually break a rib.

  Seconds later, she released her and sniffled back more tears. Brightly she asked, “Who needs a refill?”

  He watched his mother leaned down to pick up her wineglass. Taryn stood there, frozen in place for a second, then followed her into the kitchen with a look of concern on her face.

  As they both left the room, he looked around to the stunned expressions. It had been the general consensus that she’d like it, but no one had expected that reaction.

  Maureen caught his eye and mouthed “Holy shit.”

  Wide eyed, he nodded. Then he cleared his throat and said, “Thanks for the cologne, Patty. I was running low.”

  Just like that, the flood gates of conversation were opened again. The discussion about gifts resumed and Jamie moved over to perch on the edge of the chair.

  Giving him a look of concern, he said, “Jesus, Ev. I didn’t expect that.”

  “Me either,” he said. “I’m gonna give them a couple minutes and check on them. Despite the tears, I think she really liked it.”

  “Yeah,” Jamie agreed. “You better marry that woman, Evan. Otherwise I don’t think Ma would ever forgive you.”

  “I’m thinking I better,” Evan agreed. “God, I fucking love her.”

  “It’s been all over your face from day one. Have you told her?”

  Absently, he shook his head and said, “I didn’t wanna scare her off.”

  Jamie shook his head and said, “Dude.”

  “I know. I know,” he said, standing up. “I’ll be back.”

  He walked toward the kitchen with absolutely no idea what he’d find. When he poked his head in, he didn’t expect to see them sitting at the kitchen table wiping tears from their faces.

  He must have made some sort of noise because Taryn shooed him away and his mother said, “Girl talk. Go.”

  He gave a surprised laugh and said, “Jeez. Fine.”

  As he wandered back into the living room, several pairs of eyes shot to him, and he raised his hands in surrender and said, “Girl talk, apparently.”

  When they reappeared a half hour later, albeit a little red eyed, they both seemed okay. He was dying to know what the hell had happened but there was no way he was willing to ask. He hoped, for once, that Taryn would be forthcoming.

  She sat down next to him and laid her head against his shoulder, her eyes closed.

  “You good?” he asked.

  She nodded and said, “Yeah. Everything is good.”

  By the time everyone headed up to bed, it was clear that everything was not, in fact, good. She had been incredibly quiet since her time in the kitchen. His mother hadn’t been much better.

  Finally, when they lay in the dark, he pulled her against his chest. She didn’t speak. She just snuggled into him, her cheek pressed against him with a shuddering sigh.

  He stroked a hand through her hair and p
ressed kisses to the top of her head periodically. Eventually he realized, mostly because of the dampness on his shirt, that she was crying.

  “Baby,” he said, feeling utterly helpless. Continuing to stroke her hair, he just waited for the flood to end. He had no idea what else to do. He had seen Taryn as sarcastic, snide, and even vulnerable. This was entirely new, though.

  When she finally slowed down, he said, “Talk to me. Please.”

  She took a deep breath and said, “So, it was the fact that your dad wasn’t in the picture that set your mom off.”

  He felt that pang in his chest, the same way he always did when he thought about his father. It had been four years, but it never got easier to deal with. His father had died of a heart attack in the garden. He’d never even gotten the chance to say good bye. To say any of the things he felt like he should have said.

  He ignored the stab in his gut and said, “That’s not what all of this is about, though.”

  She sniffled against him and said, “No. It’s not.”

  He waited, continuing to rub a hand against her back until she finally spoke again.

  “She got to talking about the holidays and how rough things get without him. She basically cried all over me, which made me feel like a total piece of crap. The last thing I wanted to do was to make her cry like that. She told me the story.”

  He craned his neck to look down at her when she picked her head up off his chest.

  She whispered, “I’m so sorry, by the way.”

  Unable to speak, he just pressed a kiss to her forehead. He couldn’t even articulate. It had been so long and the words still got caught in his throat.

  “Anyway, your mom fell to pieces for a minute in the kitchen. So I told her that I didn’t get the exact feeling but that I understood loss. Christ,” she said, her voice wavering again. “I just didn’t want her to feel so damn alone. That’s the worst part of the grief for me.”

  He nodded and said, “Yeah.”

  “She says something to me along the lines of ‘I can tell.’ It was totally innocuous. I don’t even think she was prying for any sort of information. I know she wanted to ask before though. Even the day we met, I could tell she had a million questions. So, I told her. Not everything. But more. More than I told you. I don’t even know why.”

  “Mom has always been really good about getting people to unburden themselves,” Evan said, feeling some of the weight lift off of his chest. “She asks the right questions. She can work a meaningful pause like no one I’ve ever met.”

  Taryn gave a watery laugh and said, “You’re not kidding. I found myself telling her shit I didn’t even tell Cora.”

  “Not entirely surprised,” he said. “You hold on to your pain pretty tightly.”

  “I know,” she whispered.

  “You should talk to someone. It’s not good to hold all that inside.”

  She nodded in agreement against his chest and said, “It’s not.”

  He gave her a gentle squeeze, and lay there quietly. He had no fucking clue what to say to her.

  She lay there so silently that he thought she had fallen asleep. Then she cleared her throat and said, “You know the basic outline already. My parents died, I was separated from my sister.”

  When she paused, he tilted her chin up and said, “I’ll listen, but I wasn’t asking you to tell me. Please don’t feel like you have to tell me if you don’t want to tell me.”

  “No,” she said, giving him a wan smile. “You should know what you’re working with here, Evan. So, my first foster home, the family was really religious. Micah and Josephine.”

  The way she said the names, almost as if she was spitting them out with disgust, gave him a pit in his stomach. This would not end well.

  “I didn’t really have much experience with it. My parents were non-practicing. Well, they had this thing. There was a lot of, they called it behavior correction. For any reason. There was some abuse. Bruises. I was too young, too frightened to realize it was wrong. I was there for a few months and then one night, Micah came into my room.”

  He felt the bile rise in his throat. “Oh Jesus Christ,” he said as he held her more tightly.

  Her voice, shaky now, said, “It’s exactly what you think. It happened a couple of times before my teacher at school caught on. I could barely sit down it hurt so badly. Well, she sent me to the clinic, who sent me to the counselor, who called the state, and I was out of that house that afternoon. Someone went and collected my things.

  “I stayed at a group home for a while until another family took me in. After a while, they gave me back though. I was acting out. Angry. Terrified. Absolutely determined to make sure no one ever did that to me ever again.

  “It took me some time, a few foster homes and some counseling from the state to work my way through that. That was about the time Betty and Joe took me in. They were good. Decent people. I didn’t feel like I needed to lock my bedroom door. He didn’t look at me that way, and I’m pretty sure Betty would have unmanned him if he had. She was tough. She was great. Anyway, you know how that ended.

  “The rest of my childhood was just a series of group homes and shitty foster families. They wanted the check from the state. They didn’t have much interest in feeding me, or doing any of those parent-type things. The second I turned eighteen, I was kicked out of the system. I stayed at a shelter for a little while. You know the rest.”

  He sat there, stunned. “Baby,” he said.

  “Please,” she said. “Don’t apologize or make a big deal about it. It’s just the shit I was going to need to tell you eventually.”

  “No. It’s not just the shit that you were going to have to tell me eventually. It’s your life. It’s what made you…you,” he said. “I don’t know how you’re even able to function, let alone be so successful.”

  “I didn’t have any other choice,” she said.

  “There were other options,” he said. “You didn’t take them. You’re a beautiful person. I’m not talking about just physically. What you did for my mother tonight, what you’ve done for me. I don’t understand how you can’t see that.”

  She scooted back, to face him and said, “I don’t see what you see. After all of the shit that I just told you…”

  “I don’t know how I can look at you and not see it, Taryn?” he asked. “I’m completely in love with you. I have been for a while now.”

  The declaration hung in the silence between them. He saw the fear in her eyes and said, “I’m not asking you to return the sentiment, but I want you to understand. You amaze me. More now than ever.”

  She began to blink and then her eyes filled.

  He pulled her back against his chest, and said, “Please don’t do that. Shh. Shh.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said, as she sobbed against him.

  He felt the acid churn in his stomach, but he held her and said, “Don’t be sorry. It’s okay. It’s okay.”

  He rocked her and let her cry until she finally cried herself to asleep. What else could he do?

  Chapter 17

  Taryn managed to make it through breakfast. Sleep had helped. Getting all of that out had helped, too. She hadn’t shared the majority of that with anyone since that day with the counselor at school. She still felt an embarrassing mixture of stupidity and guilt over it all again. Intellectually she knew it wasn’t her fault, but every so often, emotionally, it didn’t seem to matter.

  Evan had been amazing last night. She’d fallen to pieces, completely unable to stop herself. He had only held her and let her cry. He done exactly the right things. He had said exactly the right things.

  Evan had told her that he was in love with her.

  She felt another frisson of fear creep up her spine. She had been thrilled and filled with dread at the same time. She loved him. She knew without a doubt that she did. But she didn’t know, with everything that she was, how he could possibly still want her. She was damaged.

  She needed to put some space between
herself and this man. There was no possible way that he’d stay. How could anyone want to stay with someone so fucking broken?

  He had declared his love and she had cried like a frightened child. Now, as he drove home, he stared at the road ahead of him. Completely silent.

  When she pulled the oversized sweater more tightly around her body, his voice broke into her thoughts.

  “Cold?” he asked as he moved to fiddle with the knob.

  “Thanks,” she said.

  He reached over and took her hand in his, then gave it a gentle squeeze.

  “Thank you,” she said. “For last night, I mean. I was kind of a mess.”

  He brought their entwined hands up to his chest and said, “I meant what I said. All of it. I get that you’re scared.”

  She closed her eyes as he spoke. He saw too much. Way too much.

  He pressed a kiss to her fingers, then released her hand.

  When they reached the apartment, they silently gathered the things from the back of the truck and walked upstairs. In the hall, between their two apartments, she finally spoke.

  “I think I need to be alone for a little while.”

  He nodded, though she saw a flicker of sadness on his face. Clearing his throat, he said, “When you don’t want to be alone, I’ll be here.”

  She saw him gesture to his door. She nodded, then put her hands on his cheeks and pressed her lips against his.

  It was brief, fleeting, but she still felt the slight flutter in her heart.

  It turned into a slight pang as she walked away.

  Over the next few days, she dodged her calls. With the exception of work, she’d been hiding in her apartment trying to regain a bit of the peace she had before. However artificial it had been.

  She had come to a decision though. She couldn’t continue to live like this with Evan. Having him right across the hall. She had come to depend on him. It would be easier to leave now, before things really fell apart. That way, maybe she’d be able to keep it together.

  He had given her the space that she asked for. Initially it had been a relief, but now, it didn’t feel like enough. He was still there in the shop, at the mailbox. He just gave her that slow, steady gaze.