Just a Taste [Private Relations 1] (Siren Publishing Classic) Read online

  Groaning as he realized how wet she was, he began to slowly slide in and out, taking his time. They made slow, sweet love under the covers, their mouths joined, rocking against each other until they both slipped into oblivion.

  When they were both lying there, boneless and limp afterward, Deacon just tucked her into his side and they slept.

  Chapter 20

  It had been a couple of weeks since they’d gotten back from Florida. Between Sara’s schedule and his own, they’d not seen much of each other. Thankfully, he didn’t have any client meetings and she didn’t have any jobs, so they’d have tonight.

  Things had been a little tense since they’d been back. Something had clearly shifted between them, but neither of them addressed it. Deacon had been stewing for a week or so about it.

  When he’d shown up at Sara’s house that day, she’d been packed and booking a plane ticket. When was she going to call him and tell him she was going out of town?

  Something really bugged him about that. She’d seemed so amazed that he was willing to go with her. Someone had died. Did she really think he was that big of an asshole that he’d let her go alone? Fuck. He’d told her that he was in love with her. What exactly did she think that meant to him?

  Feeling a little bit of that familiar anger he seemed to be able to summon whenever he took a minute to think about it, he shook his head. He’d been a pretty decent guy. He’d not, since they started seeing each other recently, ever given her a reason to doubt him. Would it always be this way? Her expecting the worst of him? He didn’t know if he could handle that.

  He was frustrated and didn’t know how to address it. He knew she was still feeling like shit about her dad, so the last thing he wanted to do was pile on to it, but, at some point, this needed to be discussed.

  Deacon knew what he needed to do. He called Elle and found out what Sara’s schedule looked like for that weekend. Amazed to find it somewhat light, he asked her if she thought Sara would be up for a weekend away if he surprised her with a trip.

  Elle said that Sara had been cranky and busy since they’d gotten back. Agreeing that they probably needed a weekend away, Elle said she’d work the jobs herself if she had to, in order to make sure Sara was free.

  Looking at hotels on Catalina Island, he booked a room. He’d talk with her about it tonight. They could take the ferry over on Friday, then come back late Sunday. It would be perfect. They’d be able to spend some time together, relax. Maybe talk a little bit.

  He didn’t like being at odds with her, but he felt like he was right now. If there was even a minuscule chance that their situation was fixable, then he would take it.

  By 6:00 p.m., he’d made it to Sara’s. She met him at the door with a kiss. Apparently feeling ambitious, she’d made him a meal. Real food. Chicken, fingerling potatoes, and green beans.

  Smiling he said, “That smells awesome!”

  “Glad you think so, ‘cause that’s dinner,” she said, smirking.

  After dinner, they sat on the couch with a glass of wine. Sara was peering at him closely and she finally asked, “Is something wrong? You’ve been funny since we got back from Florida.”

  Sighing, Deacon set his glass down, untouched, then said, “I’m okay. Can I ask you something?”

  Tilting her head, she said, “Sure. What’s up?”

  “If I hadn’t shown up at your place, would you have called me and told me what was going on? Or would I have just gotten a text on the way to the airport?”

  Blinking, Sara said, “I was kind of in shock. I’d like to think I would have called you. I only called Elle because it was work.”

  “I’ve gotta say, the fact you seemed so surprised that I’d be willing to go with you? That kind of hurt my feelings. I don’t think I’ve been an asshole to you. I’m not overly selfish, am I? How could you think I’d just let you go do something like that on your own?”

  Sara started to speak, but Deacon held up his hand and continued.

  “I’m in love with you. The fact that you don’t give me any credit at all, that you just assume the worst of me, I don’t think I’ve done anything to earn that. It hurts me.”

  Sara just stared at him now, eyes filling with tears, and then she finally spoke.

  “No. It’s not you. It’s me. God, that sounds trite. Let me explain. I’ve got weird inadequacy and abandonment issues. I spent a decade avoiding relationships of any kind specifically so I wouldn’t have to deal with them. You’re the very first person that I’ve had an actual healthy, intimate relationship with since my ex-fiancé.

  “I get scared, and my instinct takes over. It’s a crappy instinct. I’m sorry, more than you could possibly ever know, that it hurts you. I’m tackling a lot of issues at once and I’m doing the best I can. I love you, and I want to be with you. I just need you to be patient with me.”

  Nodding, Deacon said, “Okay. Is there anything I can do?”

  Tears spilled over onto her cheeks, making Deacon feel like even a bigger asshole.

  Shaking her head, she said, “This is a me thing. I know you want to fix it, but it’s not something you can fix.”

  “Fair enough. I’m sorry, honey. Please don’t cry.”

  He used his thumb to wipe a stray tear off her cheek and then wrapped his arms around her. When she leaned into him, he kissed the top of her head.

  Clearing his throat, he said, “This isn’t exactly the romantic lead-in I was hoping for, but I thought with things being so crappy for the last couple of weeks, maybe a weekend away might be nice. Want to go to Catalina this weekend?”

  Blinking, Sara moved out of his arms and said, “Really?”

  Rolling his eyes, he asked, “Would I ask if I didn’t mean it?”

  Sara narrowed her eyes at him and said, “Sorry. You just kinda caught me off guard considering the last couple minutes of discussion.”

  Leaning forward, he said, “That was us having a discussion. It was bound to happen at some point. That doesn’t mean I don’t still love you. I think a vacation would be a great idea.”

  Nodding slowly, she said, “My schedule is actually light this weekend. I’ll see whether I can clear it tomorrow.”

  Clearing his throat uncomfortably, he said, “I might have called and checked with Elle this afternoon.”

  Laughing, Sara said, “Oh. Did you now?”

  Giving her a huge grin he said, “Only if you think that my show of initiative is charming. If you don’t then, no, I didn’t.”

  Leaning forward, she pulled him into a kiss.

  When the kiss ended, she said, “I approve.”

  Chapter 21

  By the time Sara got to work the next day, last night’s conversation was nagging at her. Around lunchtime, she went out to the front reception area and asked Elle, “Do you think I expect the worst out of people?”

  Elle paused for a minute and said, “Do I think you expect the worst out of people? No. Do I think you purposefully set really low expectations so you don’t get hurt? Absolutely.”

  “Really?”

  Looking at her now, above the rims of her glasses, she said, “Really. Can I be honest, honey?”

  Feeling slightly distressed now, Sara nodded.

  “I think a lot of that has to do with your past experiences. Your douche bag ex-fiancé, your father—neither of them were the people that you needed them to be and you just shut down. By expecting nothing, when you didn’t get much, it was never a disappointment. Is this about Deacon?”

  Nodding miserably, Sara said, “Yeah. Basically, he called me out for not calling him the day my father died. He was right, though. I think I probably would have just gone to the airport and called him before my flight. I didn’t have any inkling that he’d go with me.”

  Looking at her steadily now, Elle asked, “Did you want him to go with you?”

  Nodding again, Sara said, “I couldn’t have done it without him. I was a mess.”

  “That’s why I called him, sweetie. I knew y
ou would’ve been a mess and that you’d never ask.”

  “I know, thank you,” Sara whispered.

  “The reason you doubt him…is it something he’s specifically done?”

  Shaking her head, Sara sighed, then said, “No. It’s entirely my own bullshit.”

  “Then you need to just let the fear go. He’s a good man. He’s proven that to you in a million different ways. Until he gives you a real reason to doubt him, you owe it to him and yourself to expect the best.”

  “I don’t know if I can.”

  “You need to. For both of you.”

  Sara nodded, then said, “I’m going to go work on the invoicing. My head hurts. Thanks for listening.”

  “Always.”

  Nodding, she walked back to her office and shut the door.

  Texting Deacon, she said, Hope you’re having a good day. Can’t wait for this weekend!

  A few minutes later, when she was on the phone, she saw her phone buzz. He replied, Busy but good. Me either. Shall I pick you up tomorrow night then around 6?

  Continuing to talk with her distributor, she replied, Can’t wait. Love you.

  Her phone buzzed immediately, Love you too. About to walk into a meeting. Call you tonight.

  Smiling, Sara returned her attention back to work.

  By the time they arrived in Catalina Friday evening, both of them were exhausted. They’d caught the late ferry over, so they grabbed dinner and drinks at the hotel restaurant. Neither of them were up for much of anything else, so they opted to go back to their hotel room and curl up on the lounge chairs on the patio to watch the ocean. Within about fifteen minutes, she had dozed off. She vaguely remembered waking up, freezing from the night air and nudging Deacon awake. Both of them had stumbled into the bedroom and immediately passed out.

  The next morning, they both woke up early, deciding to walk around for a bit, seeing if anything caught their fancy. Sara was able to talk Deacon into going parasailing with her. He had seemed a little bit apprehensive at first, but once they were up in the air, it was amazing. She wished they had thought to bring a waterproof camera up with them.

  After they were back on dry land, Sara said, “You know what. I just realized? Both times we did anything that involved being in the air, you were uncomfortable. Are you afraid of heights?”

  Glancing at her, he said, “I wouldn’t say ‘afraid,’ but I would certainly say that I’m not the biggest fan of them.”

  “You should have said something! I wouldn’t have even asked!”

  “After I got over the initial nervousness, it was actually really cool. I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.”

  Bending his head down, he kissed the top of her head. Sara sighed, shaking her head.

  After their morning adventures, they grabbed a quick lunch, then headed down to the beach. Slathered in no less than a gallon of sunscreen, Sara had opted to lay under the cabana and read. Deacon stretched out next to her, napping peacefully in the sun. The jerk. He tanned and she went from pale to red in about twenty minutes’ time.

  Deciding to have a leisurely dinner, they walked into town and found a nice steak house. They had a decadent meal and a few glasses of wine. After wandering the downtown area for a bit, they decided to go back to the hotel room and relax for the evening.

  Sara stretched out on one of the loungers on their balcony and stared out at the ocean. Reaching to the chair beside her, she took Deacon’s hand and sighed happily.

  “I don’t know if I mentioned this, but this was a great idea. I’m having a great time.”

  Squeezing her hand, she heard him laugh and say, “No less than eight times, I think.”

  Smirking, she said, “Seriously. This was perfect. After all of the stuff with my Dad and the last couple of weeks. It’s nice to just relax with you and not really have any sort of agenda.”

  Looking mildly uncomfortable now, Deacon said, “About the other night. I’m sorry that I pushed you. I know you’re doing the best that you can. That’s all that I can expect. I get frustrated when you get closed off, or assume I’m going to bolt, but that’s my issue to deal with. I still have a bit of guilt over our initial encounter, and I worry that it clouds the way that you see me. Also my issue to deal with. Not yours.”

  “For what it’s worth, I understand what you’re saying a bit better now. Since we talked about it, I see it from your point of view more. I want you to know. I believe you when you say you love me. I know you’re not going anywhere. I trust you. I’m going to do my best to not let any of my baggage come between us.”

  Deacon closed his eyes for a moment and sighed in relief. Then he said, “You don’t have any idea how happy that makes me. Hearing you say that.”

  Sara’s mouth drooped for a moment as she said, “I’m sorry I’ve been so ridiculous. It was this morning that kind of drove the point home though. I had no idea you were afraid of heights. You didn’t even hesitate when I asked you to do something that’s obviously outside of your comfort zone. It was something silly. It wouldn’t have been a deal breaker if we’d skipped the parasailing. You did it because I wanted to. At the very least, I should be brave enough to give you the benefit of the doubt. You continue to earn it with everything that you do. I’ve just been so silly.”

  Shaking his head, he said, “No. Not silly at all. You were right. It’s something you’re working on. I appreciate that you’re willing to do that for us. I had been wracking my brain trying to think about what I could do or say to make you understand that I’m really in this. I even thought about proposing. I thought, maybe that would help you to understand how serious I am about you. About us. Silly, right?”

  Looking restless now, Deacon sat up, then levered himself up from the lounge chair to stand at the rail of the balcony. Turning to look at her steadily, he seemed to be waiting for her to respond in some way.

  Eyes wide, Sara said, “I can see you put some thought into this.”

  He must have taken her words as agreement because he continued. “It was silly because I realized that if you couldn’t or wouldn’t believe the words, then there wasn’t any point in my saying them. If you didn’t think I was capable of making that type of commitment or that you deserved that type of commitment, then it would just be meaningless. Ya know?”

  Moving toward her, he crouched down next to her chair, took her hand and said, “Sara, you’re it for me. You’ve been it since I saw you standing in my lobby. I will never love another person the way that I love you. Who you are, who you’re going to be. All of it. It doesn’t need to be now, or even soon, but will you marry me?”

  Sara blinked for a moment, her mouth slightly agape.

  “More than anything I want you to understand that I’m willing to make that promise to you. And keep it.”

  Nodding, with eyes shimmering, she said, “When we started dating, I never expected to feel this much for you. I didn’t expect you to be this beautiful, wonderful, irresistible person. I wasn’t looking for a relationship. I wasn’t looking to fall in love.”

  Smiling now, she continued, “But you really gave me no choice. Every time I hesitated, you always did the right things, and said the right words. The fact that I believe them and I believe in you? That’s how I know that you’re it for me too. So, yes. I will marry you.”

  Standing up, he pulled her out of her chair and into his arms. Lowering his mouth down to hers, they shared a long, slow kiss, filled with promise.

  Raising his head slightly, his lips just a whisper away from hers, he said, “For the record, I wasn’t looking for love either. I guess love found me.”

  THE END

  WWW.MICHELLEROTH.NET

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Michelle Roth is a novelist and food writer from Los Angeles, California. When she’s not disappearing into foreign lands, or making two perfect strangers that she invented fall in love, she’s probably curled up somewhere with a good book.

  In her spare time she is typically hanging out with her aweso
me boyfriend and their two equally awesome cats. She likes to take road trips to nowhere in particular, cook elaborate meals, and be nerdy on the internet. Visit her blog at www.michelleroth.net for all the latest updates.

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